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--- the_iron_horse [2017/02/10 14:31] – entropyus
+++ the_iron_horse [2017/07/09 23:46] (current) – entropyus
@@ Line 3: / Line 3: @@
 ====== The Iron Horse ======
-//Faith and tradition collide with the outside world in the old west.//
+//Faith and tradition collide with the modern world in the Old West.//
 {{ :the_iron_horse_milieu.png?300|}}
-Lorado of southern Texas is facing an inevitable change. The ever expanding railway has finally reached the remote town, bringing forth new people both good and evil. And when the reputation of Lorado as a haven of extraordinary wealth in the middle of these inhospitable lands reaches the masses the flood will grow tenfold.
+Lorado, a town in southern Texas is facing an inevitable change. The ever-expanding railway network has finally reached the remote town, bringing with it new people both good and evil. And when the reputation of Lorado as a haven of prosperity in the middle of these inhospitable deserts reaches the masses back east, the flood will grow tenfold.
-Sins and temptations are the ever-present companion of men. Good folks move away, tempted by the outside world. Rails are a wide path to a greater world – or so many of them think.
+Sins and temptations are the ever-present companions of men. Good folks move away, tempted by the outside world. Rails are a wide path to a greater world – or so many of them think.
-The people of Lorado seek guidance and help from one man, Mickey “The White Eye” Rogers, who runs the city with a religious tenacity. Nobody knows how he managed to create this flourishing community here in the middle of nowhere but it just seems that whenever there is a need, he has a solution and resources ready.
+The people of Lorado seek guidance and help from one man, Mickey “The White Eye” Rogers, who runs the city with a religious tenacity. Nobody knows how he managed to create this flourishing community here in the middle of nowhere, but it just seems that whenever there is a need, he has a solution and tools for it ready to go.
-It was not long ago, when the town had no saloon and both alcohol and gambling were banned. The effect of the railway is starting to show. A saloon was built not long ago even though Mr. Rogers was sternly against it. Majority of the folks won’t go there, but it won’t be long until the strangers will outnumber the city folk. And they do not seem to care.
+It was not long ago when the town had no saloon and both alcohol and gambling were banned. The effect of the railway is starting to show. A saloon was built not long ago, even though Mr. Rogers was sternly against it. The majority of the folks won’t go there, but it won’t be long until the strangers will outnumber the city folk, and they do not seem to care.
-The railway near Lorado has been a dangerous place lately. Train has been robbed and the railway exploded with dynamite. So the state is sending a federal marshal to investigate and solve the issue for good.
+The railway near Lorado has been a dangerous place lately. The train has been robbed and the railway damaged with dynamite. The government is sending a federal marshal to investigate and resolve the issue for good.
 How long can a lone man fight against the inevitable?
@@ Line 25: / Line 25: @@
   * Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
   * Progress is inevitable
-  * One man is but a wheel of the great machine
+  * One man is but a wheel in the great machine
 </WRAP>
@@ Line 37: / Line 37: @@
 Mickey is a thin and pockmarked man. His eyes are so bleak that he has been called “White Eye” for as long as anyone can remember.
-He was a reckless gunman once, but as he has explained in countless sermons he met a man who he called The Shadow of God. That man was not forgiving and he forced Mickey to change his ways. Soon after he arrived in Lorado and took the city over. He is not a member of the clergy, but he has studied with such vigor that no one could really distinct him from them.
+Mickey was a reckless gunman once, but as he has explained in countless sermons, that godless gunman met somebody whom he called The Shadow of God. That man was not forgiving, and he forced Mickey to change his ways. Soon after that Mickey arrived in Lorado and took over the town. Mickey is not a member of the clergy, but he has studied with such vigor that no one could really distinguish him from one.
-He helps the city folk with forced enthusiasm. He has seen what a dump the town was before he arrived and knows that it will become one again, if the threads he now controls are severed. And if he embraces his wicked side once more, The Shadow of God will be waiting for him somewhere, and from that meeting neither his body nor his soul would ever recover.
+Mickey helps the city folk with forced enthusiasm. He has seen what a dump the town was before he arrived, and knows that it will become one again if the threads he now controls are severed. And if he embraces his wicked side once more, The Shadow of God will be waiting for him somewhere, and from that meeting, neither his body nor his soul would ever recover.
-Mickey wishes to keep things as they were. If the strangers would leave and stop messing around in the town it could be possible. But wishes alone can not make his dreams reality.
+Mickey wishes to keep things as they were. If the strangers would leave and stop messing around in the town, it could be possible. But wishes alone cannot make his dreams reality.
 <WRAP box round>
 ^           Traits           ^^
-|  3  | **The good folks of Lorado** \\ Many have seen how he pulled the city away from filth. |
+|  3  | **The Good Folks of Lorado** \\ Many have seen how he pulled the city away from filth. |
-|  2  | **Former gunman** \\ He once was a bastard and lawless man. |
+|  2  | **Former Gunman** \\ He once was a lawless demon of a man. |
-|  2  | **Enthusiastic speaker** \\ His sermons give hope and cause. |
+|  2  | **Enthusiastic Speaker** \\ His sermons give hope and cause. |
-|  1  | **Mysterious resources** \\ Somehow he can always provide. |
+|  1  | **Mysterious Resources** \\ Somehow, he can always provide. |
 ^           Burdens           ^^
-|  1  | **Judgement of the past** \\ Wicked past drives to despair and extremes. |
+|  1  | **Judgement of the Past** \\ Wicked past drives him to despair and extremes. |
-|  1  | **Divine right** \\ Mickey sees that he is the protector of the city and entitled to his power. |
+|  1  | **Divine Right** \\ Mickey sees that he is the protector of the city and entitled to his power. |
 </WRAP>